This is my daemon. It lives inside of me, and I spent many years terrified of it. It was stuffed down, deep in the dank darkness, fed on fear and anger and sadness and all the filth and hurt and suffering I could dredge up and push down there.
And so it grew, trapped in a tiny cage, poked and prodded, insults hurled at it, like a rabid dog in a too-small box. And it grew to hate me, and I feared it all the more. But I could not set it free, for it would attack and devour me.
Down in the darkness, it turned and growled, and snapped, and snarled, eyes flashing and saliva dripping, menacing and evil. And I wished to be free of it.
I tried to describe this creature in therapy one time, and my therapist handed me a large sheet of paper and a box of pastels. I sat, with a black pastel in my (non-dominant) left hand and drew this with my eyes closed...
And I saw that my creature was not all that bad after all. I felt pity and sadness for it; the poor thing, trapped down there all these years, abused and diseased. It was lonely, and I had created it.
So now we work together, my creature and I; it still snarls from time to time, but I have, at least, stopped poking it and pouring poison into its cage. I let the sun shine in, when I can, and give it fresh water and empathy and love. And most of all, I apologised.
Littletree was having a moment of overwhelm today – she lost the tiny magic key that she found in the forest, and it was just the last straw for her in an overwhelming situation.
She got really angry, and really frustrated, and said she wanted to scream and hit something. She chose to go into her bedroom and scream into a pillow and punch the mattress. I went into her room to offer her some support, and she told me she just really wants to break something.
I suggested she just feel into that, but that physically breaking something might not be productive. Then she got inspired, and asked if she could break sticks – the skewers we use for kebabs.
So I got her the packet of kebab skewers out of the kitchen and lay in bed with her while she snapped them. Half a dozen skewers later, she started talking about writing a program that would function like a to-do list, but with time stamps and check boxes, and with features like alarms and reminders.
Within five minutes we were out of the room, and talking about all sorts of stuff, happy again… and all it took was a few wooden skewers.
I’ve recently come to know an amazing soul, Marc Wynter, through my best friend Bella. Since Bella has been staying at my house the past week, and she talks with Marc online most every day twice, we’ve become quite well acquainted.
Anyway, he just shared with me images of some of his amazing artworks, with the offer of gifting me a large print!
I’m absolutely in love with this first one, called Mother, which has the text “Mothering makes me feel like a pre-historic creature roaring in the dark”
Anyway, Marc is very keen to get feedback on his work, so please give your comments, insights, creative criticisms and reflections in the comments!
Beautiful Woman
Juggling
Last Night I Saw Venus
Joy of Motherhood
Frog Goddess
Just to add a little déjà vu from this time last year when all the world around me went under water, it’s been raining again. Wait, raining doesn’t really describe what’s going on – we’ve been in a torrential deluge – 420mm (16.5”) in the last two days! This is coming on top of a whole load of rain over the last week or two.
Yesterday, we got flood warnings, I drove out to visit my beloved Ocean, and already some low-lying areas were under water.
But the roads were mostly clear, and the bridges passable, so we weren’t too worried… until we woke up to find over 100mm (4”) had fallen overnight, and the roof was leaking terribly, and the roads were all impassable, with rapidly rising waters.
Then the crawlspace under the house filled up with water – it got to be about knee-deep before it started seeping through the cracks in the wall and flooding the flat downstairs where Wind and Coola live.
Rushing around with towels and buckets, and in-between dealing with a sick Littletree (who fortuitously came down with a case of gastro in the night), I managed to get down into the muck of the crawlspace and set up a garden hose to siphon water out. At some point the electricity cut out, but it’s back on now. I hope that, at least lasts!
Phew!
In the afternoon, the rain eased a little, and we donned wet-weather gear and went for a walk down the hill, only to find half of the village under water, and all of the roads impassable.
Here’s some scenes from the highway and the back road out of the village – this is actually the bridge over a normally very small creek that resides about ten metres under the bridge it is now totally over the top of. The main river that runs through the village was a massive torrent, about 6 metres over its banks!
Well, at least we’re mostly dry and we have enough food to last a few days. I hope everyone out there is staying dry and has plenty of wine stocked up!
Happy New Year of the Water Dragon
There has been such a constant stream of so many beautiful people flowing through my house recently, with Wind and Coola living in the flat downstairs, and our good friends Belle and Anasho have been staying, since they are temporarily homeless, as well as frequent visits from an assortment of random hippies and my beloved Ocean.
As group of us got together yesterday for a sacred ceremony to honour the new moon and the start of the Chinese New Year.
We all wrote out pages of our intentions and manifestations for the coming year, I chopped some wood,
We lit a sacred fire, ringed with the surprise rose apples we found growing in the back of our rainforest.
Then we said some prayers and set our intentions before giving the pages to the fire
Then we sat around playing music and dancing and singing before having a yummy feast.
Awesome start to the year!
Life has been very interesting lately – all sorts of wonderful and amazing things happening. New lessons, opening, expanding… increasing awareness and bliss.
Some of the lessons are challenging, but all are rewarding.
One of my good friends, Wind, and her unschooled daughter Coola moved in to the flat under our house, so there’s been a massive influx of people in and out of the house, lots of friends, and lots of love. And more unschooled kids hanging around :)
One day down in the village I finally ran into Hellena Post – it was so awesome to get to meet her and her crew, and see her fresh kidlet earthside.
Littletree connected immediately with Hellena’s daughter Tiger Lily, the two of them played with all the kids for ages.
While hanging out with Hellena, I noticed a flyer up on the wall that said “Are You Creating History Today?” Luckily, I had a black marker on hand to fix it:
ARE YOU CREATING MYSTERY TODAY?
Well? Are you?
Late the other night, I keep hearing odd clattering noises... on investigation, we discovered a smallish carpet python knocking stuff off my bathroom vanity. The shock! The horror! My bathroom vanity is cluttered, and the mirror needs cleaning! [gasp]
And what does any warrior goddess do when there's a snake upsetting order on her bathroom vanity? go for the broom, pick up the snake, and take it outside!
I was even clever enough to put on my knee-high boots, just for safety's sake... but in my hurry, I didn't shake my boots out first - I always shake out my boots, and nothing ever falls out - this time, I didn't, and lo! A great big spider crawled out and up my leg! Eeep!
No problems, all in the line of duty for a majik faerie.
(and yes, I do hang around the house late at night dressed like that – thanks to Purple for taking photos!)
The snake was released outside, hopefully the little guy is now cavorting freely with other snakes, and eating mice from around the house.
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