This is my daemon. It lives inside of me, and I spent many years terrified of it. It was stuffed down, deep in the dank darkness, fed on fear and anger and sadness and all the filth and hurt and suffering I could dredge up and push down there.
And so it grew, trapped in a tiny cage, poked and prodded, insults hurled at it, like a rabid dog in a too-small box. And it grew to hate me, and I feared it all the more. But I could not set it free, for it would attack and devour me.
Down in the darkness, it turned and growled, and snapped, and snarled, eyes flashing and saliva dripping, menacing and evil. And I wished to be free of it.
I tried to describe this creature in therapy one time, and my therapist handed me a large sheet of paper and a box of pastels. I sat, with a black pastel in my (non-dominant) left hand and drew this with my eyes closed...
And I saw that my creature was not all that bad after all. I felt pity and sadness for it; the poor thing, trapped down there all these years, abused and diseased. It was lonely, and I had created it.
So now we work together, my creature and I; it still snarls from time to time, but I have, at least, stopped poking it and pouring poison into its cage. I let the sun shine in, when I can, and give it fresh water and empathy and love. And most of all, I apologised.
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Love you.
ReplyDelete@majikfaerie
ReplyDeleteI think, you're a very incorruptible woman, I wish you a positive trend for your life:-)
Warm regards
~Orianne~
thankyou O Majik Faerie for revealing yourself, and sharing such a intimate and personal journey. I am touched and inspired...and I empathise and relate so much, as I know your many friends will also. I am struck by how much self awareness is required - how strong and deep a relationship with ones inner world - to traverse those hidden canyons and actively engage with those secret parts. And how great the courage to embrace those parts in exile...greater still to forgive them, and to ask for forgiveness also...Is there anything more potent, more brilliant, more inspiring? Can anything more beautiful and transcendent be found....awareness, compassion, courage...this is what great souls are made of. As history has shown us. Inner qualities, inner virtue. Thankyou so so so much. Thankyou, for the collective all of us is benefited by your grand beautiful steps forward. Love, your friend Ansanityxxxxxoo many hugs and flux capacitors..
ReplyDeleteI have something, of the same demon inside me. Maybe they're cousins :P
ReplyDeleteGlad you recognize it, and are making it better! <3
cheers everyone. I guess we all have our own daemons to work with. But the point is; they're rarely as scary as we think they are when we finally bring them into the light
ReplyDeleteconvinced for years that some creature was living under my bed and sure that if I put one toe close the edge it would be grabbed by a a scaly hand. ted and elephant had to go either side of me for protection and I NEVER looked under the bed!! ho hum but I got older and realised that I had far too much imagination so now I just imagine all the boggies away.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth www.magicmythlegend.co.uk
You are amazing and brilliant, beautiful and talented. Strong and free! I wish you all the beauty and happiness in the world as you grow in yourself! Hugs
ReplyDeleteHmmm.....
ReplyDelete